Bad Seeds: there was a noun verb-ing

From time to time, I’ll be posting little writing and editing tidbits, which I call ‘Bad Seeds.’ These are little issues that can weaken your writing in subtle ways, but if used frequently enough can make your writing style appear unpolished, possibly even undeveloped. Once you become aware of bad seeds, they should start to jump out at you.

Today’s Bad Seed is one I most often see when a writer is trying to describe a scene or a character. For example:

There were two big bookcases overflowing with books standing against the far wall of Wordy Birdie’s office. There was a deer skull, which she’d found while hiking, sitting on one of the shelves. There was another bookcase, full of dictionaries and books about grammar and writing, hanging above her desk. She had pictures of mountains and bugs and insects sticking to her pin board, and there was a dish of colored pebbles and sea glass lying on the glossy wooden desk.

This is how I would edit it:

There were Ttwo big bookcases overflowing with books standing stood against the far wall of Wordy Birdie’s office. There was aA deer skull, which she’d found while hiking, sittingsat on one of the shelves. There was aAnother bookcase, full of dictionaries and books about grammar and writing, hanginghung above her desk. She had pPictures of mountains and bugs and insects sticking to stuck to her pin board, and there was a dish of colored pebbles and sea glass lyinglay on the glossy wooden desk.

So we end up with:

Two big bookcases overflowing with books stood against the far wall of Wordy Birdie’s office. A deer skull, which she’d found while hiking, sat on one of the shelves. Another bookcase, full of dictionaries and books about grammar and writing, hung above her desk. Pictures of mountains and bugs and insects stuck to her pin board, and a dish of colored pebbles and sea glass lay on the glossy wooden desk.

Can you see the difference in strength and tone between the original and the final copy? The final has a more active quality, a solidity even, which the original lacked.

Take a look at your WIP. Do you see that kind of sentence structure?